A turning point for a student musician. What should parents do if their child refuses to continue attending music school?

Sooner or later, almost every young musician comes to a point when he wants to give up his studies. Most often this happens in the 4-5 years of study, when the program becomes more complex, the requirements are higher, and the accumulated fatigue is greater.

A number of factors contribute to this. On the one hand, a growing child has more freedom. He can already manage his time independently and hang out with friends longer. In addition, the range of his interests is also expanding.

It seems that the doors to amazing opportunities are finally opening for him. And here the need to attend music lessons and regularly practice at home begins to play the annoying role of a short leash.

Away with the shackles!

It is clear that at some point the child will definitely have a brilliant idea – “We must give up everything!” He quite sincerely believes that this step will save him from a whole chain of problems.

This is where the long and thoughtful siege of the parents begins. Anything can be used: monotonous repetition of incredible fatigue, full-fledged hysterics, refusal to do homework. Much will depend on your child’s temperament.

He is quite capable of even starting a completely adult and logically structured conversation, in which he will provide a lot of evidence that musical education will not be useful to him in life, and, accordingly, there is no point in wasting time on it.

How to respond to a riot?

What, then, should loving and caring parents do? First of all, set aside all emotions and soberly assess the situation. After all, there can be many reasons for such behavior of a child. This means that they must be solved differently.

Do not shift the burden of responsibility onto the teacher, relative, neighbor or the child himself. Remember, no one knows your child better than you. And no one will take care of him better than you.

No matter how old your young musician is, talk to him as if he were a mature person. This does not at all mean a conversation between equals and equals. Make it clear that the final decision on the issue is yours. However, the child must feel that his point of view is truly taken into account. This simple technique will allow you to show respect for the opinion of your son or daughter, which, in turn, on a psychological level, will make you treat your authority with greater respect.

Talks

1. Listen. Do not interrupt under any circumstances. Even if you see that the baby’s arguments are naive and erroneous, just listen. Remember that you draw your conclusions from the height of many years of experience, and the child’s horizons in this regard are still limited.
2. Ask questions. Instead of cutting off: “You’re still small and don’t understand anything!” ask: “Why do you think that?”
3. Draw different scenarios for the development of events. Try to do it in a positive way. “Imagine how your friends will look at you when at a party you can sit down at the piano (synthesizer, guitar, flute…) and play a beautiful melody?” “Will you regret putting so much time and effort into it and then giving up?”
4. Warn him that he will have to face the consequences of his decisions. “You really wanted to make music. Now you’re tired of it. Well, this is your decision. But recently you just as fervently asked to buy you a bicycle (tablet, phone…). Please understand that I will not be able to take these requests as seriously as before. We’ll spend a lot of money, and after a couple of weeks you might just get bored with the purchase. It’s better to get a new wardrobe for your room.”
5. The most important thing is to reassure your child of your love. The fact that you are very proud of him and appreciate his successes. Tell him that you understand how difficult it is for him and notice the efforts he makes. Explain that if he overcomes himself now, it will become easier later.

And one more important thought for parents – the main question in this situation is not even whether the child will continue his studies or not, but what you are programming him for in life. Will he give in under the slightest pressure? Or will he learn to solve emerging difficulties and achieve the desired goal? In the future, this could mean a lot – file for divorce or build a strong family? Quit your job or have a successful career? This is the time when you are laying the foundation for your child’s character. So strengthen it using the time you have.